it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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