They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
