I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
don't judge my taste in strippers
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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