i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
