no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
