So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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