I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
