That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
