Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
