Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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