would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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