I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
