He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
