i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
