I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
