Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
