Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
