I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
