So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
