I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize