You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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