I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
