So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
