My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
