I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
