Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't turn off my feet"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
