I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
