The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
