he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
