at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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