Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
