All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
