i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
