**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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