from now on my penis is your penis
I think I won the penis lottery.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
