Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
