checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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