Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
