And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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