..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
