I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
