So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
