Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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