Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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