you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
