Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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