I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
