I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
