38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you traded sex for a burrito?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
