Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
